I suck at BLOGGING.

I am currently sitting in my bedroom, in my apartment in Richmond.. and felt inspired to write. Let's see where it goes. A CRAP ton has happened to me since my last post. Well I am OFFICIALLY an out and proud gay man. I came out to my family quite a few months ago. My dad was amazing as was his lovely wife. My mother and grandmother were the two people I was terrified to tell.. one because of losing her forever the other because of past things she had said to me. But surprisingly, through a few days of tears and phone calls they realized I am still me.... and this is just something that they now know. My grandmother is one of my heroes and for her to just say that she still loves me, reeeegardless of the fact that it slightly broke her heart that she felt that i wasn't able to tell her this big secret for so long, made me hurt for a few days to be honest. My mother was a different story, and one I am not entirely sure of how to write out as i am not sure if i can censor my reaction to her taking the news... soooo let me just say that she is fine with it, but doesn't believe i was born gay, that at some point in my life i made this choice; to be picked on practically everyday of my life in school, to be scared to be the real me, to be called many many names by her man ( side note: this man is actually completely okay with me being gay NOW, and is actually the only one when i told my mom who was pretty much like.. and? i know) IIIIIIIIII digress. I am not entirely sure where this blog entry is going but I am not really concerned by it... as i don't foresee many people reading it. This past year my mothers father died. I am not entirely sure I have fully grieved him leaving.. but i am glad he is no longer suffering, it did for a short time bring a wounded family together.. only to leave them still separated again, how sad :(. I also had my first male/male relationship, with a good guy who made alot of promises I don't think he was ready to keep, but we are still talking.. so that is something right? I also have to admit that I am really done with sex without having more substance behind it. I guess i'm just an old fashioned homosexual. It was fun, but became very numbing... soooooooooo i'm doing my best to be as abstinent as i can, i am after all gay. I also want to say that this year in my life I have definitely felt a shift in friendships... some good, some not... either way I am still happy being able to be ME. I hope that whoever reads this isn't put off by my lazy use of "punctuation".. because honestly I choose to write like I talk.... and when i use an ellipses to me it stands for a continuing thought. Whhhhatever grammar nazis fire away!! Good night.

Day 4

I found out today that I had an imaginary friend when I was young..... I am sad that I never knew this and I want to know where this friend went. :(

Defying Gravity.

Day 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DDdM66_nSI
Do NOT listen to this song Grandma.

This song seems to be the..... um theme of the day... not completely for me.. but people around me.

I wish people in life could see the good... and not always go straight to the negative... I feel really bad for them and just want to give them a hug... but I don't because.... physical touch isn't everyones love language.

Random Memory
ALWAYS ALWAYS falling asleep at my grandma's church... there is just something about Bro. Danny's voice that still makes me just want to sleep... I would end up snoring and everyone would talk about it after.. .and ask me if I had great dreams...

Defying Gravity.

Day 2?

Soooooooooo this whole blog thing was supposed to be somewhat inspiring... I mean I even set an alarm on my old phone so that I would remember and that it would eventually just become habit... but I digress.

ALOT has happened in my life since well a month ago.
I bought but didn't get to wear my Halloween costume :(
I got promoted.
I really do have amazing friends... and ones whom I can tell pretty much anything... thanks I love you all.
I quit a job.
I have really grown up.
I saw Spring Awakening (I can't remember if I did this before or after the last blog)
I have watched Harry Potter two times.
I have started paying back my school loan( YAY?!)
I saw Rabbit Hole at EKU... It was wonderful... and I adore everyone in that cast.
I have most of my Christmas shopping done...Though I still have NO IDEA what to get my dad/mom/stepmom/grandma/papa/or my brother Layne.
I have a new air freshener for my car which the smell of it reminds me of my best friend.
I had a wonderful Thanksgiving.. that was SCANDALOUS!! But with my family what more do you expect.
I have been thinking about running... and changing things in my life to be more healthy...  (let's hope I don't just continue to think about it)


Random memory from when I was a YOUNG WART HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGGGG.

I remember when I was young my grandma Ethel would make me gravy anytime I wanted it.... I still LOVE GRAVY... and could just eat it plain.

Well Until next time.....

Defying Gravity.

Day 1.

I have been doing alot... ALOT... of reflecting on my life over past year... I have grown so much as a person and  I am so genuinely happy.
Several things that cross my mind:

1. I now have a license and a car!
2. I am happy.
3. I realized the value of money and of true friends.
4. Family.
5. I had a great summer... and God did wonders, though I don't know if everyone saw that.
6. I have grown deep in my faith, and I know what I believe and what is right... I will fight for that.
7. I am blessed.. I have amazing friends... and family.
8. I realized I don't need people in my life who are bringing me down.
9. I've lost close friends.. and gained better ones.
10. My life may seem like a mess on the outside... but it really works for me.

There of course will be more to come.

With this first post I want to set some goals for me for this.

I want to post at least 3 times a week.

I will not accept ignorance... in any form.

I want a movie deal... lol.

This should be a place for clarity and peace of mind.

Also in every post I will post a favorite memory or something funny that has happened to me or something that makes me happy and or makes me laugh. Here goes the first.

Every time I eat my grandma's banana bread... I remember the first time that I found out that it wasn't homemade...I was 15 or 16. We were at meijers... and she asked me to go and get a box of banana nut bread.. I was SHOCKED.. I had always thought for some reason that she made it all by hand, I guess... We laugh about it alot... and I still like it... though it did lose a bit of its magic. ALSO her meat balls have ketchup and jelly in them... I wouldn't believe it had I not seen it with my own eyes... it still takes me a bit to work up to eat one. I love you grandma... and your cooking.

Defying Gravity.