I suck at BLOGGING.

I am currently sitting in my bedroom, in my apartment in Richmond.. and felt inspired to write. Let's see where it goes. A CRAP ton has happened to me since my last post. Well I am OFFICIALLY an out and proud gay man. I came out to my family quite a few months ago. My dad was amazing as was his lovely wife. My mother and grandmother were the two people I was terrified to tell.. one because of losing her forever the other because of past things she had said to me. But surprisingly, through a few days of tears and phone calls they realized I am still me.... and this is just something that they now know. My grandmother is one of my heroes and for her to just say that she still loves me, reeeegardless of the fact that it slightly broke her heart that she felt that i wasn't able to tell her this big secret for so long, made me hurt for a few days to be honest. My mother was a different story, and one I am not entirely sure of how to write out as i am not sure if i can censor my reaction to her taking the news... soooo let me just say that she is fine with it, but doesn't believe i was born gay, that at some point in my life i made this choice; to be picked on practically everyday of my life in school, to be scared to be the real me, to be called many many names by her man ( side note: this man is actually completely okay with me being gay NOW, and is actually the only one when i told my mom who was pretty much like.. and? i know) IIIIIIIIII digress. I am not entirely sure where this blog entry is going but I am not really concerned by it... as i don't foresee many people reading it. This past year my mothers father died. I am not entirely sure I have fully grieved him leaving.. but i am glad he is no longer suffering, it did for a short time bring a wounded family together.. only to leave them still separated again, how sad :(. I also had my first male/male relationship, with a good guy who made alot of promises I don't think he was ready to keep, but we are still talking.. so that is something right? I also have to admit that I am really done with sex without having more substance behind it. I guess i'm just an old fashioned homosexual. It was fun, but became very numbing... soooooooooo i'm doing my best to be as abstinent as i can, i am after all gay. I also want to say that this year in my life I have definitely felt a shift in friendships... some good, some not... either way I am still happy being able to be ME. I hope that whoever reads this isn't put off by my lazy use of "punctuation".. because honestly I choose to write like I talk.... and when i use an ellipses to me it stands for a continuing thought. Whhhhatever grammar nazis fire away!! Good night.